


bang, bang my baby shot me down

by summarized



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-24
Updated: 2013-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-05 23:40:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1099921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summarized/pseuds/summarized
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha warns him that given how many times his friend has been brainwashed it’s highly likely that there is nothing left of his old friend, that he will never be Bucky Barnes again.  Steve refuses to listen</p>
            </blockquote>





	bang, bang my baby shot me down

**Author's Note:**

> Title is taken from the song of the same name by Cher. The version listened to while writing this fic, however, is the cover by Nico Vega.

** Bang, Bang My Baby Shot Me Down **

****

Clint realises that this is probably a little inappropriate but he just doesn’t know what else to do. 

There’s not a lot left to do anyway. 

Don’t worry, he makes sure he’s alone.  Doesn’t want to disturb anyone. 

There’s something about being able to find the right song perfectly suited to whatever the situation you happen to find yourself in.  Guess that’s why Clint likes musicals and the shows Glee and Smash so much (and if you mock him for it he will cut you).  Clint now finds himself in one of those moments.  It’s not so much his struggle more so someone else’s.  Specifically, Steve Rogers. 

He can’t help but feel for the guy. 

Clint thinks back to recent events, turns on his iPod and lightly sings along. 

**He wore black and I wore white**

**He would always win the fight**

**Bang, bang…**

_Steve gets a call from SHIELD and as he enters the briefing room he finds that Fury, Hill, Clint and Natasha are already there.  Fury gets right down to business stating that an operative codenamed the Winter Soldier has been spotted stateside and there is speculation that his latest target is none other than Captain America.  The exact identity of the Winter Soldier is unknown.  He is a highly skilled assassin, who had worked under the Soviet Union.  According to Natasha, she had received training from him and admitted that they were briefly involved.  Steve is no stranger to enemies wanting him dead but he is still rather curious as to who this Winter Soldier really is.  He is reminded “constant vigilance” but other than that goes about as he usually does (Clint will later notice the Harry Potter reference and giggle out of nowhere until Natasha looks at him and he shuts up)._

_As more sightings of the Soldier are reported so does the intel about him.  Earliest known sightings of the Winter Soldier date back as far as the late 1940s and increased slightly during the Cold War era.  He is allegedly put in cryostasis in between missions to ensure his longevity which gives a possible explanation as to why he has been around for so long.  For each assignment he is given a new identity and along with it accompanying memories implanted into him.  He always gets the job done._

_When they finally come face to face, it is Steve himself who gives away the Soldier’s true identity.  He is James Buchanan Barnes.  Bucky._

_The cold response he gets in return hurts Steve a lot more that it appears._

_There may have been a flicker of recognition in those eyes if only for nanosecond.  But Steve’s not sure if it actually existed or just conjured up by his desperate mind._

_It’s bad news all around.  It seems that Bucky has absolutely no idea who Steve is anymore.  Natasha warns him that given how many times his friend has been brainwashed it’s highly likely that there is nothing left of his old friend, that he will never be Bucky Barnes again.  Steve refuses to listen because that’s just not an option._

_The confrontations become more frequent and lengthy and suddenly other conspiracies are exposed which of course leads to all sorts’a crap because that’s superhero life for ya.  And Bucky still doesn’t remember who he is.  But Steve Rogers was never a man to give up on anything or anybody and remains steadfast in his belief that Bucky will snap out of the Soldier’s conditioning.  He still has to be in there somewhere._

_Perhaps it is an act of desperation but Steve decides to wear his World War II era Captain America uniform.  SHIELD had managed to preserve it after they fished him out of the ice and upon seeing it again he just went ‘eureka’.  Maybe it can help Bucky remember._

_There’s a final battle and the bad guys are brought down in_ almost _typical good guy fashion.  But Steve still has something more important to do._

_He sees the Winter Soldier make a run for it.  Cap follows him.  Tries to talk to him.  That doesn’t go over to well.  The Soldier faces towards him and fires a shot.  It passes right over Steve’s head.  Another shot.  It bounces off the shield.  Cap drops his shield just so, leaving his upper body slightly exposed._

_The next 3 bullets go right into Captain America._

_Never mind Cap’s protective gear.  Every deadly, super efficient spy assassin knows that they should be packing some serious fire power on every mission._

_Rogers goes down and The Winter Soldier gets away._

**Seasons came and changed the time**

**When I grew up I called him mine**

**He would always laugh and say**

**Remember when we used to play**

**Bang, bang…**

His mind takes him back to the orphanage.  He’s alone in the little makeshift medical wing.  He’s out of danger but still recovering from his illness.  With nothing to do, he just stares out the window and watches people go by wondering what their lives must be like.  He looks away when he hears someone approaching and there by the door he sees his best friend being reminded by Sister Martha that he still can’t come out to play. 

Several decades later, that once sickly boy is now grown up and again finds himself looking out the window, though at nothing in particular.  Thanks to the serum, Steve doesn’t get sick anymore but because of his job he still has to deal with injuries.  It’s easy to forget that he’s still a man because while he is enhanced to peak human level the key word there is ‘human’ which Steve still very much is.   Physically, there’s no sign that he had ever been wounded.  It’s the mental stuff he needs to worry about.

He doesn’t want to go there.  Doesn’t want to think about it.  But he can’t shake off the feeling that Natasha could be right.  But that doesn’t mean he should give up.  He must have been pretty out of it because he didn’t even hear her come in.  He doesn’t realise he’s been crying either. 

“Steve?”

Natasha can see his hand shaking as he wipes away his tears. 

“I failed.  I failed him again.”

She doesn’t need to ask what he’s talking about. 

“I have to find him.  I need to.”

Steve’s voice is barely above a whisper but Natasha hears him nonetheless.  Can still sense that fierce determination lying beneath the surface.  Steve might be in shock.  Or in denial.  But she doesn’t expect any less of him. 

“You should rest.”

“I’ll be fine.”

Natasha hears what he really means loud and clear.

‘I won’t rest until Bucky is okay.’

Knowing it’s fruitless to argue, she leaves him be and later stumbles upon Clint singing an eerily relatable song.  He stops when he notices her. 

“Hey.”

“Being all… reflective.”

“Didn’t know what else to do.”

Natasha sits next to him.  “I’ve been thinking.”

“Uh-oh.”

“Hear me out,” she interrupts, “You know as well as I do that Cap was shot 3 times.”

Clint nods.

Natasha continues, “1 bullet lodged into his left collar bone.  The other in the muscle right below that.  And the 3rd landed next to his shoulder.  All his vital organs just so happened to be missed.”

He isn’t sure where she’s going with this. 

“I might be over analysing this, but if you were an infamous operative wouldn’t the logical choice be to go straight for the kill?”

Clint finally understands.  Cap’s a super soldier, sure, but he’s still got weak spots.  Most notably around the head area, like the eyes or neck.  It’s well established that the Winter Soldier is no amateur.  Clearly, he would have known this.  If he really wanted Steve dead he would’ve known how best to do it. 

“What if he just wants to make him suffer?”  asks Clint, “I mean, he already knows Cap believes he’s Bucky Barnes.  Maybe he just wants to mess with him.”

“I don’t know.”  Natasha slumps back into her seat, frustrated.    

Natasha has a point though and there are too many questions and not a lot of answers.  Clint just hopes that for the sake of Steve’s sanity everything will work out in the end. 

One thing’s for certain, sooner or later, the Winter Soldier will turn up again. 

**Now he’s gone, I don’t know why**

**And to this day sometimes I cry**

**He didn’t even say goodbye**

**He didn’t take the time to lie**

**Bang, bang he shot me down**

**Bang, bang I hit the ground**

**Bang, bang that awful sound**

**Bang, bang my baby shot me down**

He gets his things ready and hurries on out of there.  They’ve scheduled for him to be put back in stasis but he has other plans.  He leaves the bodies of 12 dead agents in his wake and he needs to scram before they send any more.  He’s well far away from the site when he decides to stop for a smoke. 

He tries to convince himself that he’s done the right thing.  He can’t stay around.  It’ll just mean trouble.  But it still hurts.  It stings to have to leave Steve.  But like the Shakespeare loving Sister Martha sometimes said “you have to be cruel to be kind.”  And Bucky is doing just that. 

He takes another drag and reminisces about… 

They ambush another HYDRA base.  This time they come across a body lying on a gurney similar to the one Steve found Bucky strapped down to in Austria.  This man, whoever he was, is mangled beyond recognition.  For the first time, Bucky notices a crack in Captain America’s armour.  Despite getting a little shook up, Steve carries on with his duties without fail.  Bucky later finds Steve in his room.  He’s still in uniform and he’s got his head in his hands and he’s crying. 

“What’s wrong?”

He quickly looks up and sees Bucky.  Running a trembling hand through his hair, he tries to explain, “I got… I remembered when you… and for a second I thought…”

With that Steve doesn’t need to finish what’s on his mind.  Bucky never wants to go back to that place either. 

They’ve always been there for each other and right now Steve needs him. 

He gently cups the side of Steve’s face and Steve places a hand over his.  Steve turns his head just so and presses a kiss to Bucky’s palm.  With that simple act one thing leads to another and both men find themselves on the bed, Bucky settling himself on top of Steve.  Both of their chests bare and they have their hands in each other’s pants.  Their hands fall away altogether and they’re kissing like mad, rubbing their erections against one another.  Neither of them lasts long and Steve comes first with Bucky following in a few more thrusts. 

As Bucky lies in the warmth of Steve arms, he can hear him whispering pleas of don’t leave him ‘cause he wouldn’t know what to do without him.  Before sleep claims him, Bucky promises that he’s not going anywhere and that he…

“I love you.”  Bucky says to the air at the present day.  Damn.  He needs to get his head on straight.  He can’t get lost in thought like that again.  He continues running. 

He’s feigned indifference this whole time.  That was more for him than it was for Steve.  After all, The Winter Soldier can’t be showing any signs of regaining his old memories while he’s still inside enemy lines.  

He doubts that anybody’s caught on, but Bucky’s memories started coming back to him bit by bit ever since his employers showed him a picture of Captain America.  When they come face to face and Steve calls him by his old nickname, everything sort of escalated from there.  Every time he and Steve confronted each other more of his memories would resurface.  It finally returns full force when Steve shows up in his old Captain America uniform.  But by that point Bucky had made the decision to leave. 

He is positive that Steve wants the old him back.  Wants for things to go back to the way they were.  But they can’t.  He can never be that Bucky Barnes again. 

He will always love Steve.  Will always care about him.  Is always going to look out for him.  But he’s not naïve and he doesn’t have to get too close to watch Steve’s back, if you get his meaning. 

Besides, Steve doesn’t need a stain like him to lug around. 

Bucky finishes the rest of his cigarette and gets on his way. 

He hopes one day Steve will understand.  


End file.
